INBOX - NHD-C12-KRI-248 - IKARI, SHINJI

[forevalone]

ikari.shinji@cdc.org
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Comments

i can't breathe

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I don't have French gout! Neither does Kaworu-kun! I don't even think he can get sick...

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

That's not what I meant. I know boys can't get married to each other.

[alittlemaster]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
No one is ever going to marry two men. It's not right.

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
Do you really like Nagisa that way?

[???????????????????]

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

...Is it really that wrong?

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

...You won't tell people, will you?

[alittlemaster]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
You can't have any children. [LOOK....

Oh.............

He doesn't know whether to feel sorry for Shinji's gay predicament, or to be glad he has some kind of hold over the boy's head. Both. Both are good. (Of course, Ciel is under the impression homosexuals get put in the loony bin and converted.)

There's such a long time between Shinji's message and his response that Shinji likely might shit a brick.]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
I won't tell. [Maybe. >:)]

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I'm never going to grow up. I can't have children.

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

Thank you.

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I'm sorry.

[alittlemaster]

[Ciel is still ??? about the not growing up thing. He just writes it off as "Oh, I'm not going to grow up either because I'm going to die probably."]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
Why are you sorry?

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

Because I know you think I'm disgusting.

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

And I know I am. In a lot of ways...but I can't help it.

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

So, I'm sorry.

[alittlemaster]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
I don't want to hear you say that ever again. Stop apologizing.

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
I don't condone whatever you do with Nagisa, but don't ever regret the things you do. That's disgusting.

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I'm

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

...Okay.

[alittlemaster]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
Don't do things you'll regret. If you think you'll regret them, don't do it in the first place, Ikari.

[A few minutes later:]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
If you say anything like that again, I'll tell everyone.

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

It's not that simple.

[alittlemaster]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
It is that simple. Choices are important. [He knows. He sold his soul for an important choice. He doesn't regret it because he wanted to live. Why is wanting to live selfish?] When you make a choice, you make it for a reason.

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
Do you regret what you did with Nagisa?

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

What if it's not your choice? If it's a choice you're forced to make, even if you don't want to?

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

No. I don't regret my feelings for Kaworu-kun. The only thing I regret regarding Kaworu-kun is killing him back home.

[alittlemaster]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
It's useless to regret choices, even the ones you're forced to make.

[And that's all he says for a long time. He's not exactly sure how to broach the topic of murder.]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
Why did you kill him?

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

That doesn't stop me from regretting them.

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

If I didn't, the world would have been destroyed. An apocalypse would have been triggered.

[alittlemaster]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
Don't be stupid.

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
You're going to have to make those choices again here. If you start acting this way after every one, you'll be useless by the end.

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
Someone here will get rid of you.

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I know that. Why do you think I made the choice I did? Because I had to, not because I wanted to!

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

That doesn't mean I'm not going to regret what I did. I'm not going to just be okay with murdering someone with my own hands if they don't deserve to die.

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

The day I'm okay with it is the day I become a monster. I'm a lot of things, but I'm not that.

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I'm not my father.

[alittlemaster]

[Ciel is quiet for a long time. "I'm not my father." He thinks of Vincent Phantomhive. But son's can't escape the sins of their fathers, right? Not when the sons are groomed so well to take the fathers' places.]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
If you don't want to be the monster, someone else will have to be.

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
Regret will hold you back later. Make your choices wisely.

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

Then they can be the monster. I'm sick of monsters.

[alittlemaster]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
Even if it's someone you care about instead?

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I'm not going to be a monster to spare someone else from being one.

[alittlemaster]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
And that isn't monstrous?

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
Don't forget this selfishness.

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

All humans are selfish. I never said I wasn't.

[alittlemaster]

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
Humans are. It may save you after all.

FROM: phantomhive.ciel@cdc.org
Unless you get French gout from touching Nagisa inappropriately.

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I'm not going to get French gout!