INBOX - NHD-C12-KRI-248 - IKARI, SHINJI

[forevalone]

ikari.shinji@cdc.org
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Comments

[forevalone]

_{[The kiss to his lips acts as a salve, an ice pack on his bruised heart. The brush of lips against his fingers too soothes him, even if he feels skittish, pent up and about to burst. Shoulders that were hunched fall slightly as he stares up at Kaworu, his heartbeat echoing in his ears.]}

You... _{[It comes out raw, as if his throat has been stripped bare.]} Just you, Kaworu-kun.

[paraclete]

I'm here, [is the immediate promise. Kaworu, now, is cradling Shinji's hand between his own palm and his cheek.] You have me. Whatever you need, Shinji-kun. [His thumb moves underneath Shinji's lower lip.] Do you want to kiss me again?

[forevalone]

_{[Whatever he needs...the ever present problem with Shinji Ikari is that he's never really sure what he needs. What he is sure of is that he wants to cling to the boy in front of him and never let go. He wants to kiss him again, wants to be close - as if he'll never have another opportunity again. He knows what Kaworu's answer will be, but he still asks.]}

Can I?

[paraclete]

[Though Shinji's current demeanor is still troubling, he's not wrong in his assumption: Kaworu will not reject him. Kaworu knows that Shinji is worried about rejection, while Kaworu himself is worried about Shinji... At least their concerns coincide. If Kaworu can give Shinji what he wants or needs, that's what he desires to do.

...Still... he also wants for Shinji to recognize that he can thrive on his own merits.]

You're all right. [He kisses Shinji, as requested, but it's chaste.] You're going to be all right. [And then he kisses Shinji again, but deeply this time. It's a kiss meant to whisk Shinji away from this aching, the sort of contact that really earnestly says, I'm here. Shamefully, it's... nice to feel needed...

But more importantly, he doesn't want Shinji to shake so much.]

d105

[2leftfeet]

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org

Looks like you have some new responsibilities, Ikari.

[Hope you missed someone yelling at you to do push ups, Shinji.]

[forevalone]

_{[And here he thought this message was going to be a stern reminder to work out or do laps around camp until he drops.]}

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

Ah, Shepherd-san. Yes, I do. They're a bit intimidating.

[2leftfeet]

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Everyone in your cell is in the training program. That means you should be familiar with their abilities, right?

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

Somewhat...

[2leftfeet]

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Have you reviewed their files?

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I don't really read people's files.

[2leftfeet]

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Why not?

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I don't want to judge them for what might be in their files, just like I wouldn't want them to judge me for what's in mine.

[2leftfeet]

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
So instead you're throwing away a perfectly good tool for your leadership because you don't want people to think bad things about you?

[forevalone]

_{[Hahahaha...]}

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I can still ask them what their strengths and weaknesses are...that accomplishes the same thing more or less, doesn't it?

[2leftfeet]

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
What if they don't tell you the truth? I'm not saying they won't, but what if?

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Or what if the file is wrong or only tells you half the story?

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
The important part is having all the information you can to make informed decisions. A leader shouldn't shy away from intel, Ikari.

[forevalone]

_{[Why are you so logical Shepard? You're killing him here...]}

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I know...you're right. It just feels so invasive.

[2leftfeet]

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org

It is. But you're doing it to protect your people.

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org

That's how this works.

[People come first. Who cares what that makes you?]

[forevalone]

_{[Um...Shinji cares. That's half his problem okay. He cares what others think of him and their perception of him. It's scary.]}

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

And I should do whatever it takes to protect them, right?

[2leftfeet]

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
In pursuit of your mission goals, yes.

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

To what extent is too far?

[2leftfeet]

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
If we were where I come from, I'd tell you that you have to make that decision on your own. Your people are together for a reason and that reason is fulfilling missions given to you. You can't throw those away. But sometimes completing an assignment isn't worth the price point.

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
But it's different here. You should ask Armada about acceptable losses.

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I don't want to be responsible for someone's death. I don't want that on my hands.

[2leftfeet]

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Do you think anyone wants that?

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

Monsters do.

_{[Not the literal ones, of course, or your bump in the night variety, but the ones who disguise themselves as people, who were born human but have no shred of humanity left inside them to care.]}

[2leftfeet]

FROM: shepard.lydia@cdc.org
Then don't be one of those.