INBOX - NHD-C12-KRI-248 - IKARI, SHINJI

[forevalone]

ikari.shinji@cdc.org
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Comments

DAY 73.

[paternalistic]

FROM: kurosaki.isshin@cdc.org
hey i'm just checking up on you are you okay???

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I'm alive, Kurosaki-san.

[paternalistic]

FROM: kurosaki.isshin@cdc.org
but are you ok

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I don't think I'm ever okay.

[paternalistic]

FROM: kurosaki.isshin@cdc.org
do you want to stop by medical and i'll give you a check up?

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

It would be a waste of your time, Kurosaki-san.

[paternalistic]

FROM: kurosaki.isshin@cdc.org
don't be silly i'm a doctor, remember?

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I know. Which is why I'd be wasting time that could be spent on others.

[paternalistic]

FROM: kurosaki.isshin@cdc.org
stop it right now you're worthy of it

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I'm sorry.

[paternalistic]

FROM: kurosaki.isshin@cdc.org
no please don't be sorry

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

I don't feel well Kurosaki-san...but it's not my body that's sick. It's my head.

[paternalistic]

FROM: kurosaki.isshin@cdc.org
come see me in medical, i'll see what i can do.

Text -> Action?

[forevalone]

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

Okay.

_{[It takes him some time to drag his feet toward medical but he does eventually arrive there, looking tired and worse for wear. Physically he's fine. His mind is another matter altogether.]}

Kurosaki-san...?

[paternalistic]

[isshin tends to pull longer shifts in the fear that someone is going to drag themselves in here half mauled.]

Shinji-chan! Come here, have a seat. [he pats the examination table.]

[forevalone]

_{[With a small nod he does as he's told, climbing up onto the table to take a seat, letting his legs dangle over the edge.]}

[paternalistic]

What seems to be the problem? [isshin has that odd air about him, even when he sits on the chair so that he's lower than shinji, that he's talking to his own children.

you'd have expect him to give him a sucker for being such a good patient.]

[forevalone]

I can't stop thinking.

_{[Worrying, agonizing, self-doubting...his head's a bit more scrambled thanks to Blackbox to say the least.]}

[paternalistic]

Thinking about what?

[tell him everything; especially when he scoots closer.]

Something's bothering you?

[forevalone]

_{[He nods silently, biting his lower lip.]}

...My parents.

[paternalistic]

You've never told me about them.

[he's only discerned that gendo is a shit, however.]

What's bothering you about them?

[forevalone]

My mom...died when I was little. I don't remember it, but I was there when it happened. I'd forgotten what she looked like but when I went into the Black Box for training...she was there.

_{[She'd encouraged him, smiled at him, told him to escape-]}

I tried to not let it bother me growing up but now...now that I remember what she looks like it hurts again.

_{[I want my mom, is what he wants to say, but he's too embarrassed and ashamed to say so. Bringing up his Father will just be the same as before - that he's unwanted, worthless.]}

[paternalistic]

When my wife died, I felt the same way. [he says with a small sigh as he sits forward.]

For the longest time, I thought that she would announce that she was home and walk right into the clinic to give me a kiss between patients. [seeing masaki here again just reminded him how much he was still in love with her, even after all of these years. every time he looked at her, his heart would hurt and his body would shake thinking that they would have a family together and it would get ripped away from him.]

I want my wife sometimes.

[forevalone]

...I'm sorry, Kurosaki-san.

_{[Everyone has lost something or someone important to them, that much Shinji has always been aware of. Even so, now he feels guilty for bringing it up, especially since he didn't want to remind Isshin of something painful. Losing your mother was one thing. Losing the person you were in love with and wanted to spend the rest of your life with...well. He knew that pain too in a way, didn't he?]}

[paternalistic]

You know, they say when a spirit spends too much time in the living world, they become corrupted and seek to bring others misery too. [which is an oversimplification of hollows, but ssssh.]

We miss people because they left an imprint on us. My children miss their mother everyday, and I miss her too. They'd want us to be happy, and not burden ourselves with their death. It corrupts us, rots us from the inside out until we can't remember who we used to be.