INBOX - NHD-C12-KRI-248 - IKARI, SHINJI

[forevalone]

ikari.shinji@cdc.org
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Comments

[sponsorigami]

It's... closer to earning points in a sports game, I suppose. Though maybe also graded since how high we rank is important too

[ Like for paychecks.... ]

[forevalone]

Why is it important what rank you get? Isn't saving people more important?

[sponsorigami]

It is, but the ranking helps with popularity and sponsors to fund the heroes

[forevalone]

Funded? Like a corporation?

[sponsorigami]

They help with the costs of being a hero, like medical, training, property damage, communication, transport...

[forevalone]

It sounds like a proper career.

[sponsorigami]

It is. It's my job

[forevalone]

But...isn't that what the police are for? And firemen? And doctors? To save people and enforce the law?

[sponsorigami]

We still have those and work with them, but not everyone can become a hero

[forevalone]

You must be very brave.

[sponsorigami]

... I'm not. The other heroes are the brave ones

[forevalone]

_{[That hits a little too close to home for Shinji.]}

Why did you become a hero then?

[sponsorigami]

I felt like I didn't have any other choice... and because my friend couldn't anymore

[forevalone]

...I know what that's like.

<sub>[And boy does he know. He'd been forced into Unit 01 without much of a choice in the first place - it was either he pilot it or Rei get inside; Rei, who had been still hooked up to an IV and had been rolled out on a hospital bed.

No matter how many times he didn't want to get back into the Eva, he found himself doing so - even if he was scared, even if it hurt. Misato and the rest of them always said he had a choice, that he could leave...but he didn't really. Not if he wanted to doom everyone else by not doing something when he was capable of still fighting.]</sub>

[sponsorigami]

... I'm sorry...

[ Ivan's best friend back home is in jail for murder, when really he was trying to save someone from a criminal. Edward can't be a hero anymore because of it. Ivan never really believed he had what it took for the longest time. Origami Cyclone ranked dead last, never even in the competition. ]

Are you also a hero or something like it?

[forevalone]

I don't consider myself a hero.

_{[Really. "Hero" was the last word he'd ever associate with himself.]}

Back home I pilot something called an Evangelion. The Unit I pilot can only be piloted by me so I have to do it.

FROM: ikari.shinji@cdc.org

If I don't humanity will be destroyed by the enemy. It's frightening and painful but I don't have a choice.

[sponsorigami]

... It's... something that only you can do... (._. )

[ He may not realize the importance of the phrase he has just typed. It's something Ivan has heard said to him, something he has clung to and repeated in relation to his own power.

Ivan just... never thought that "something" could be such a horrible thing for someone. That "something" could be an action he doesn't want to do but has to. ]

[forevalone]

_{[It's something Shinji's been struggling with ever since he got in the cockpit of Unit 01, torn between hating it and clinging to it as something that defines him when nothing else does.]}

Unfortunately.

[sponsorigami]

... I'm sorry. I didn't realize...

[forevalone]

It's not your fault. You don't need to apologize.

[sponsorigami]

Still, I'm sorry

[ He nearly leaves it at that, but Shinji shared something that painful with him. Ivan should explain why he became a hero. Continued on being a hero. ]

My friend was arrested for murder because he tried to save a hostage. He called for my help, and I just froze and watched it happen

We were going to become heroes together... but now he can't become one

[forevalone]

...So now you're a hero in his place.

_{[Ah, well that makes sense. Shinji can understand that.]}

Sometimes when bad things happen no matter how badly we want to move, our bodies just won't budge. It's awful.

[sponsorigami]

Yes. I have to be a hero worthy of his friendship

But I worry that I'll freeze up again when someone needs me the most. Again

[forevalone]

All you can really do is do your best.

[sponsorigami]

I guess that's the only thing we can do here now