[To be alone is frightening beyond all else. Piloting Eva had been scary and fighting Angels had been terrifying, but even the thought of dying paled in comparison to being the last one standing on a scale of bad end outcomes. Being alone was part of what made him human, sure, but he'd been alone for so many years. He'd had the pain of love and loss burned into his broken heart that had only been mended superficially over his lifetime. It was a fragile thing, his heart, so easily broken and taken advantage of.
For once Kaworu doesn't back off. He continues. He keeps kissing Shinji and he kisses back just as desperate, unable to say Kaworu's name in return, voice stolen away. It's selfish, what he's using Kaworu for now, if he really thinks about it. With his lips on Kaworu's, tongue wet and unpracticed, he can forget his loneliness for a time. There's no better distraction from his own imperfections and shortcomings than the angel who gives him whatever he asks for. He loves Kaworu, that's a truth he'll vehemently defend, but the comfort he yearns for is born out of a selfish need and nothing more.]
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For once Kaworu doesn't back off. He continues. He keeps kissing Shinji and he kisses back just as desperate, unable to say Kaworu's name in return, voice stolen away. It's selfish, what he's using Kaworu for now, if he really thinks about it. With his lips on Kaworu's, tongue wet and unpracticed, he can forget his loneliness for a time. There's no better distraction from his own imperfections and shortcomings than the angel who gives him whatever he asks for. He loves Kaworu, that's a truth he'll vehemently defend, but the comfort he yearns for is born out of a selfish need and nothing more.]